linux for blondes

Blonde jokes

Linux for blondes would not be complete with out a few blonde jokes ...

   How do you drown a blonde? Put a miror in the bottom of the swimming pool.

   What do you call two blondes standing side by side? A wind tunnel.

   How do you know a blonde has been using the computer? There is tipex on the screen.

   How do you know another blonde has used the computer? There's writing on the tipex..

Do you have any blonde jokes to share with the world?

Email michmogATlinuxforblondesDOTcom.

Aeroplane maintenance crews are the least appreciated of all engineers. Here is a list of problems which were reported to them to fix before the next flight, and their solutions! (From Fishtail, Velocette Owners Club Magazine)

Problem: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement

Solution: Almost replaced left inside main tyre. 

Problem: Test flight OK, except autoland very rough

Solution: autoland not installed on this aircraft

Prolem: No. 2 Propeller seeping prop fluid

Solution: No. 2 Propeller seepage normal - no.s 1, 3 and 4 propellers lack normal seepage

Problem: Something loose in cockpit

Solution: Something tightened in cockpit

Problem: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear

Solution: Evidence removed

Problem: DME volume unbelievably loud

Solution: Volume set to a more believable level

Problen: Dead insects on windshield

Solution: Live insects on orer

Problem: Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces  200 fpm descent

Solution: Cannot reproduce problem on ground

Problem: Radio inoperative

Solution: Radio always inoperative in OFF mode

Problem: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick

Solution: That's what they are there fore

Problem: Aircraft handles funny

Solution" Aircraft handles warned to sort themselves out and take their jobs seriously

Problem: Target radar hums

Solution: Reprogrammed Target Radar with correct lyrics

Problem: Number three engion missing

Solution: After brief search number three engine located on starboard wing


For anyone who feels technologically challenged ...

Take heart, anyone among you feels technologically challenged - these examples are from callers to a computer help line in the early days of computing.

1. Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking where the "Any" key is.

2. AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in.

3. Another Dell customer called to say he couldn't get his computer to fax anything. After 40 minutes of troubleshooting, the technician discovered the man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it in front of the monitor screen and hitting the "Send" key.

4. Yet another Dell customer called to complain that his keyboard no longer worked. He had cleaned it by filling up his tub with soap and water and soaking the keyboard for a day, then removing all the keys and washing them individually.

5. A Dell technician received a call from a customer who was enraged because his computer had told him he was "bad and an invalid." The tech explained that the computer's "bad command" and "invalid" responses shouldn't be taken personally.

6. A confused caller to IBM was having trouble printing documents. He told the technician that the computer had said it "couldn't find printer." The user had also tried turning the computer screen to face the printer-but that his computer still couldn't see" the printer.

7. An exasperated caller to Dell Computer Tech Support couldn't get her new Dell Computer to turn on. After ensuring the computer was plugged in, the technician asked her what happened when she pushed the power button. Her response, "I pushed and pushed on this foot pedal and nothing happens." The "foot pedal" turned out to be the computer's mouse.

8. Another customer called Compaq tech support to say her brand new computer wouldn't work. She said she unpacked the unit, plugged it in and sat there for 20 minutes waiting for something to happen. When asked what happened when she pressed the power switch, she asked, "What power switch?"

9. Another IBM customer had trouble installing software and rang for support "I put in the first disk, and that was OK. It said to put in the second disk, and had some problems with the disk. When it said to put in the third disk, I couldn't even fit it in..." The user hadn't realised that "Insert Disk 2" meant to remove Disk 1 first.

10. A woman called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer. The tech asked her if she was running it under "Windows." The woman responded, No, my desk is next to the door. But that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under`a window and his printer is Working fine.